Ten Maths Jokes

10. Q: What does the zero say to the the eight? A: Nice belt!

09. Q: How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb. If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb. Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

08.A statistician can have his head in an oven and his feet in ice, and he will say that on the average he feels fine.

07.A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were travelling in Scotland when they saw a black sheep thru the window of the train. Aha," says the engineer,"I see that Scottish sheep are black." "Hmm," says the physicist,"You mean that some Scottish sheep are black." "No," says the mathematician."All we know is that there is at least one sheep in Scotland, and that at least one side of that sheep is black !"

06.The only dirty joke in maths: Q. What's the square root of 69?A. Eight something.

05.Salary Theorem The less you know, the more you make. Proof:
Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power. Postulate 2: Time is Money.As every engineer knows: Power = Work / Time And since Knowledge = Power and Time = Money It is therefore true that Knowledge = Work / Money . Solving for Money, we get: Money = Work / Knowledge Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of Work done.

04.Theorem. Every positive integer is interesting.
Proof. Assume towards a contradiction that there is an uninteresting positive integer. Then there must be a smallest uninteresting positive integer. But being the smallest uninteresting positive integer is interesting by itself. Contradiction!

03.1+1=3, for large values of 1 and small values of 3.

02.There are three kinds of people in the world; those who can count and those who can't.

01.How many classical geometers does it take to replace a lightbulb?? None: You can't do it with a straight edge and a compass

00.Math problems? Call 1-800-[(10x)(13i)2]-[sin(xy)/2.362x].